this can't last forever, time won't make things better

drama, it happens every day in our daily life. i live in a complicated world with complex circumstances that overwhelms. not realizing it, sun goes down, day goes by, and years of memories just go snubbed. knowledge is being accumulated every minutes, and sense of reason squeezes out the ability to have feeling for others.
i am numb.
the forbidden fruit did kill my spirit, sabotage my soul, and blind my eyes. the more i indulge into the world, the more hollow i perceive. it's like putting on a mask, coloring it until there are no distinguishable mark.
camouflage
since when i lost love to others, i do not know. i show sympathy because it's painted on my mask; deep down, i feel nothing. is it because i am still living in my past, and thus freezing myself unconsciously ? or am i too full of myself that contains no others ? i do not know. maybe i am just wanting others to identify my value, my way, and my life. for how long i haven't open up to my dad, for how long i haven't go see my mom, and for how long i have been controlled by this invisible force that prevents me of doing so ?
cangue
i am tired. god, set me free and show me love.

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